The finale
Well, I made it to the end of Nablopomo. I’m relieved that it’s over.
I do feel a sense of accomplishment that I stuck with it for the entire month. And I have established a routine around writing again, which is good. After neglecting my online journal for most of this year, my purpose for doing this was to facilitate writing out substantive thoughts on a regular basis. Something perhaps worthy to be read by others. Something besides simply discussions about my day. In that regard, I failed. The creative juices still aren’t there. I don’t know yet what’s missing.
It’s like a reactive part of me is numb. In actuality, a lot of me feels numb. I’m not sure if it’s the prozac or a defense mechanism from dealing with school stress or what. I go through my days with thousands of ideas about feelings and concepts and images I want to express. But I sit down in front of this computer and it goes from ideas to vapor, and then it’s gone. There’s a disconnect between the idea and actuality.
I’m going to keep writing because I think I could learn to be a good writer. I’m just not sure yet how to take those threads of ideas and make something of it. Hopefully doing all this was a step in the right direction.